No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
