broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
where are my eyebrows?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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