My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
