She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
