I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
