im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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