I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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