I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
