$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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