Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
