so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
