U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
