You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
