Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
