i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
