it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
