Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
