we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
