Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
