I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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