my phone needs a breathalizer
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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