Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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