I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
