and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
