these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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