after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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