hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
