omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
