just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
