Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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