I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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