if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
