Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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