Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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