dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
