So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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