I'm so fucking centered right now
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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