her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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