Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
