After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
