whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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