You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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