i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
