Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
