I hope mine doesn't look like that
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
