My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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