my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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