She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
