Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
