i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
