girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
