I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
