its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
