when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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