I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
