thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
